Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
