you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
