New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
