I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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