youre lurking in front of me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
