Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
50% drunk capacity currently
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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