If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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