Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize