I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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