cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
