Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
