my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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