I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just cut my nipple shaving
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
zippers are such a cool invention
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
