omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
