Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize