I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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