i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
