He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
