She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
