...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
