he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
