so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
