I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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