I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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