You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize