i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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