I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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