did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
