OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
