I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
