Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
