i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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