I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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