she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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