I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize