I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
