paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
