SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
