Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
