You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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