it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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