Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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