Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize