Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
