Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
