is your mom at the bar?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
