He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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