mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you had me at cake vodka
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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