So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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