Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
