I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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