Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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