ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
