he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
