Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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