I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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