capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
