A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
