his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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